It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
