So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i drank out of a bidet.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
