Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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