i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
