okay pat passed out under dana's car
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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