found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
