The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
