you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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