You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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