I want to have your abortion
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
