chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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