went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He passed out mid-signature
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
