i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
