I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
