honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
