my soul wont recognize me after tonight
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
