This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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