Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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