Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
