So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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