my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
