And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
