dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
