Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
