I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
