While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
