Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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