I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
