First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
