Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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