Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
