Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
