i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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