Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i think i just lost a toe
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
