i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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