I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
