sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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