people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
