I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
