Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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