My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
