My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
