i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
