oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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