There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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