youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
