Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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