Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
