the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
