oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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