u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
