U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
