do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We need to rekindle our bromance
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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