I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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