Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
