eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What a dumb baby whore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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