also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
