i was born a porn star she said
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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